Saturday, July 02, 2005

Man On The Street: Q&A

Overheard in Anytown, USA

Q: Sir, could I take just a few moments of your time?
A: Are ya paying me?
Q: Ha-ha-ha, well no but--
A: That's funny to you?
Q: My apolog--
A: Yeah right. OK, make it quick. This is my day off. I'm with the wife and kids here.
Q: I'm sorry to have bothered you?
A: Yeah, yeah. What can I do for you?
Q: If you could take a few moments to answer a few questions.
A: Yeah, OK. You ain't one of them pollsters that's always asking the slanted questions, are ya?
Q: No sir. I'm with the local paper. We're just doing a survey, kind of a man-on-the-street interview.
A: Yeah, yeah. The local paper, huh?
Q: Yes sir. Do you happen to subscribe?
A: Ya gotta be shittin' me. That rag fed by the leftwing Associated Press? Hell, no. And you make sure you quote me on that. So go ahead ask your questions.
Q: How would you rate the President's job performance?
A: He's doing a good job. It's a hard job. People need to get off his back. What a wonderful First Lady, too. How come you guys never ask about her? Nevermind. Just leave her alone.
Q: Do you support the War on Terrorism?
A: Of course. Absolutely. No question. It's sad that you even have to ask that question, but I guess you gotta separate out the loonies, the America haters.
Q: What about Iraq? Do you support the President's policies?
A: Didn't I just say that I support the War on Terrorism??
Q: But Iraq and the War on Terrorism are--
A: the same thing, mack. Just ask the questions and quit trying to preach to me.
Q: So you support the President's policies?
A: I don't give a rat's ass what the policies are. Well, I do, but I'm not real concerned about it. OK? We've got a lot of pretty smart people attending to that. We oughta just let 'em do their jobs.
Q: But some would say that it's the polici--
A: Look, I done said. Screw a bunch of policy. It's us or them. My nephew's over there and Frank's boy's over there--
Q: Who is Frank?
A: My neighbor. Hell, half the people in this town got someone over there and the other half knows someone that's got someone over there.
Q: Well, don't you think we need to have an exit strategy?
A: Why do I need to think about that? We just re-elected a president, a commander-in-chief. We'll leave when he gets good and damn ready for us to leave. I don't understand why you people find that so hard to deal with. He's the commander-in-chief ferchrissakes!
Q: Senator Kennedy has been very critical of President Bush. Yesterday, Senator Kennedy had this to say abou--
A: Ted Kennedy should be down on his knees every day praying for his soul. He acts like we've forgotten that he let that poor girl drown.
Q: He says we need to get out of Iraq--
A: He needs to get out of America.
Q: Get out of America?
A: Why not? Yeah, get out. That's what I said.
Q: You sound like you hate Senator Kennedy.
A: No, I don't hate him. But he sure is a sorry excuse for an American. Not like his brothers Jack and Bobby, God rest their souls. Good men. Both of them.
Q: And recently Senator Dick Durbin had this to say--
A: Dick who?
Q: Durbin. Senator Durbin--
A: What state's he from?
Q: Illinois
A: Huhmph
Q: Senator Durbin had this to say about Guantanamo--
A: Wait, ain't he the idiot that compared American soldiers to the Soviets, the Nazis, and the Khmer Rouge??
Q: Well, he did make that remark, but in the context of--
A: Context, hell! He's another one that needs to get out of America.
Q: Well, now in all fairness, the Senator is free to say what he--
A: He's giving comfort to our enemies. The bastard is endangering our men and women in the military. He oughta be tried for treason.
Q: Treason? That's a very serious charge
A: Indeed, as that ol' Tennessee boy would say.
Q: So you would lock him up and throw away the key?
A: Last time I checked, the penalty can be death.
Q: Are you saying--
A: Look, let's give him a chance to leave the country first. Let him go live in France. And if he don't want to then let's try his ass for treason and let the chips fall where they may.
Q: Don't you think the Democrats have a say in what--
A: Don't give me that horseshit, son. They've got a say. Everybody's got a say. But what they're saying ain't making any sense or worse, it's sounding too much like what the gotdam terrorists and the French are saying.
Q: Excuse me, that's the second time that you brought up France in somewhat of a disparaging way. Do you--
A: You gotta problem with that?
Q: Well, no but--
A: France can kiss my ass. We've pulled their nuts outta the fire on more than one occasion. Do they show any gratitude? Knife in the back. Rotten whoremongers, the French. Fuck with their tongues and fight with their feet. You can quote me on that, too.
Q: Thank you for your time, sir.
A: Yeah, yeah get a haircut.


Jo said...

ROFL!!! Thumbs Up

Gun-Toting Liberal said...

Dayum, MMM!!!!!!!! That was CLASSIC! Happy Independence Day to you, your readers, and yours.

El Jefe Maximo said...

That was good. I have high blood pressure, so Senator Kennedy and the press types you spoof so well really get me boiling. Ditto Senator Durbin the Turban and his rants about Guantanamo. Only thing we need to know about the rats at Guantanamo is how to kill their still free and feral cohorts in big bleeding batches.

On that subject, I remember seeing a photo of Admiral William "Bull" Halsey's HQ (think in Noumea) during WWII. Big sign out front "KILL JAPS, KILL JAPS, KILL MORE JAPS !" Couldn't do that now of course, but thats exactly what we need to serve these jihadist fastardos. (This is a three beer rant, as u can tell).

The French. What to make of them ? I sure hate the Chirac poodles, but they had their moments, before they went all wobbly. Napoleon is turning in his grave in shame someplace.