Thursday, July 21, 2005

Putting Dignity Back Into Graft

Ferriday, Louisiana is the hometown of:

Jerry Lee Lewis, Mickey Gilley, Jimmy Swaggart:

First cousins to one another -- their mothers were sisters

the late Howard K. Smith:

and the beautiful Campbell Brown:

What Ferriday has become should have Jerry Lee kicking out the footlights, Mickey singing the blues, Swaggart praying for Ferriday's redemption, Howard K. rolling over, and Campbell Brown investigating.

Ferriday has become a dump, a cesspool and one of the most notorious speedtraps in Louisiana .. and thus, the United States.

So far this year Ferriday has collected over $400,000 in traffic fines. The mayor seems to be shooting for $1 million before the end of the year -- that's about $840,000 more than the annual average of $160,000 before the present mayor took office.

To some, the new mayor's motto seems to be:

"Put Dignity Back Into Graft"

Mayor Allen's Money Machine

Oh, and Ferriday's population? About 3,700. A pissant of a place on a major route (US 65) to a major tourist attraction -- Natchez, Mississippi.

If you're coming from North Louisiana, you have to pass through Ferriday to get to Natchez. On the other hand, if you're coming to Natchez from South Louisiana, you have to pass through Woodville, MS -- another speedtrap, but nowhere near as bad as Ferriday.

I suppose you could go way out of the way to get to Natchez, but why should anyone need to do that?

I could very easily bypass Ferriday, but I don't. I like to live on the edge. Besides, it's interesting to see a piece of Haiti in the USA. Ah, the sights and smells of Ferriday, Louisiana -- Little Port au Prince!

The extremely low speed limits should be punishment enough. I mean to make anyone drive that slowly (25mph) through such an asshole of a place is sadistic.

Businesses are starting to react to Ferriday's new notoriety. At least one, Imogene's Restaurant, has moved to nearby Vidalia. Imogene says the move was due to lower rent in Vidalia. Well, the atmosphere is much better there, too. Wal-Mart is considering moving, but insists it has nothing to do with Mayor Allen's Money Machine.

Stories abound about drivers who swear they were not speeding and police who refuse to let the accused see the radar reading. Some have even claimed that the Ferriday Police Department are big on racial profiling -- of white people. I don't know about that, but I rarely see anyone but whites pulled over.

Will the Louisiana State Police or Attorney General eventually investigate? I doubt it.

Maybe it's something the U.S. Justice Department will look into. I mean, afterall, if people are being harassed based on race, that does seem to fall within the federal civil rights statutes.

I propose a billboard kinda like this on all roads leading to Ferriday:

Meantime, people should avoid doing business in Ferriday. Don't spend money with the businesses there. If enough people start doing that, then maybe the pain threshold will be reached.

Ferriday actually has potential to be a nice place, but they've chosen to be just another banana republic. I'd be ashamed to call Ferriday home.

Jerry Lee, Mickey, Jimmy, Campbell? Ya'll hear me?


Anonymous said...

What a shitty article you wrote. Put some dignity in your shitty ass blogs.

MerryMadMonk said...

Well, well. Normally, one would have to go to a bowling alley to meet a person of your stature. Thou vicious mole of nature! Thou art sick in the world's regard, wretched and low, a poor unminded outlaw sneaking home. Thou shall stand in fire up to the navel and in ice up to the heart, and there the offending part burns and the deceiving part freezes. Thy sin's not accidental, but a trade. Would that the fountain of your mind be clear, that I might water an ass at it. I breathe defiance to thine ears.

Anonymous said...

that was great, dont let those retards confuse you with their outdated words and petty insults

administrator said...

Monk, you keep telling the truth and youll get some of these riders of the short bus off my ass. Your article told it like it is. I cant understand if these people are really this ignorant to the facts or what. An anonymous told me this week they "Praise and admired my cowardice" I told him thanks

Anonymous said...

well why let Woodworth have all the fun! Seems Ferridays Industrious Mayor is going to give the honorable david butler a run for Speedtrap Capitol of the World title. Here are the facts, Woodworth population 1,500. Fines collected for 2005 $767,000. Keep up the good work Ferriday eventually someone will take notice!

Anonymous said...

Ferriday's legislative auditors report has not been released to date. I wonder if the title of speedtrap capitol of the world will go to Ferriday or Woodworth. Woodworth collected $971,529.00 for 2006 with a population of 1,500. Will let you know how it goes in a couple of weeks.